Emotional Turbulence

How often do you feel like you’re on some emotional rollercoaster you can’t get off long enough to catch your breath?

The last 30 years of my life have felt this way and as my children grow older, technology becomes more advanced and social media is the way to stay connected, I feel myself losing touch with my sanity far too often. The few months have been fraught with the complications of beginning, maintaining and ending relationships with friends and loved ones. Being someone who has always felt that living is more painful than being able to move on to the other side of this thing we call life, relationships are becoming increasingly stressful.

This has caused all sorts of mental and physical issues and the only way to heal the physical is to cope with the emotional trauma. But where does one begin? 

I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere until I had my children. That is where my heart resides and they are the best part of me but there are times where I see the worst parts of me displayed in their behaviour but no matter what they do, I promised to be the best mother I could ever be.

Today I was going through a serious emotional crisis that I had been allowing to fester and I blame myself for allowing it to go this far. For too long I followed advice that was detrimental to me and perpetuated the cycle I’ve been trying to break free from. I’m hoping as I embark on healing my past traumas, dealing with my current difficulties and working towards a future that was always meant to be mine, that I am no longer so afraid of all that could go wrong and start looking at all that could go right.

For those going through something painful or overwhelming, you can do it but you have to start talking and trusting that in this vast world of many humans there is that ONE person who will be there to walk beside you until they know you’re strong enough to walk alone, with them always being there when you need them. I don’t have just one, I have a circle of powerful, strong and loving women who have never ever let me struggle alone for too long and ladies, I appreciate and love you.

You know who you are and you know how many times you’ve pulled me back from the brink.  To the male friends I have, your perspective on relationships and parenting as well as learning not to hate all men for the vile behaviour of a few, I am grateful for you too.  You gave me balance.  This journey won’t be easy because I’ve lost the support of our local mental health teams but it isn’t impossible and I welcome anyone who can relate to what I’ve shared to get in touch with me. There is strength in numbers and in community. I can also refer you to helpful web communities and charities that were useful to me during a very trying 8 months. Believe in the good that is still out there, have faith and breath and take time to reflect.

Namaste and live for each moment.